Having The Money Discussion Without The Money Fight.
It is generally accepted that financial issues are often at the core of marriage issues. So how to talk to your spouse without the big blow up? Couples just need to follow a few suggestions to come out of the money discussion unscathed.
First, couples should think and talk about their monetary histories. If one partner came from a disadvantaged background and is tickled to have some disposable income to spend at the mall, while the other came from a thrifty saving family who only shopped at the Goodwill, then sparks will fly. But if you can be open about these feelings and this kind of background, then both partners will be able to see the basis for the other’s assumptions and behaviors.
Another issue is that the money fight is often ill timed. It is NOT a good time to talk about money when a couple comes home from a long day of work, enters the house, and opens the bills without even taking off their coats! Money discussions, like all major discussions, need to be carefully planned and prepared for. In fact, it may be a good idea to go so far as to set a time, day and agenda! Make sure the children are in bed or with a sitter, as interruptions are not helpful. Perhaps hold the discussion in your computer/office area so that bills, records and calculators are at your disposal!
Take a hard look at the way your money is managed. Often this will depend on the style of your marriage. If your partnership has some traditional elements, perhaps it would be OK for only one partner to handle the money and bills. However, this may make either partner feel used— one may feel used for their paycheck, while the other feels used because the chore of paying bills falls at their feet!
Last, both partners need to have a hand in setting and following some budgeting ground rules. For example, some couples set an upper limit of spending that necessitates a quick phone call to the other spouse. So, if your husband sees a $3,000 riding mower that he simply must have, but your mutually agreed upon limit is $1,000, then he will need to speak with you before handing over the check. Other rules should govern how bill payment is handled. Many families will pay bills as the roll in, while others set aside every Saturday morning to do this chore.
Following the above suggestions and setting your own ground rules in family money management has the potential to save you many marriage headaches, and to contribute to a long and healthy marriage!
